Love is simple

A song that makes me feel nostalgical and peaceful. I have never known love though, but it sounds so beautiful.
And perhaps I recognize myself in the lyrics. Don't be afraid... It's only love. I feel like I need to protect myself from this dangerous feeling, it has hurted too much, too many times. I mean, real love, not from family, nor from friends. That's not the first time I think about it. I'm looking for reciprocity, but each time I'm really in love with a guy, it's hopeless. But in a way, I'm lucky, because I fall in love every two years approx, ha ha.
I sometimes wonder how people meet, how two human beings manage to find each other on all the earth, and love each other in a perfect harmony and reciprocity. It looks like an impossible mission, to me! So what is this aberration, love is simple?! At least, is there a meaning in this assertion? What do you think.That's nonsense, isn't it.
It's like searching for a shamrock with four leaves. So I call off the search now. Anyway, the best I can do, and the only thing I know how to do, is waiting.

But was it only the cold?

Hi! My Irish experience is over, but I will still share things here, as long as I have things to share, I guess :)

This evening, I got the idea to translate one of my very old poems, found almost by chance in one of my old blogs - whatever.
I tried not to do "word by word" and I managed to adapt with English turns of phrase.
You might tell me what you think after :)


But was it only the cold ?


When I looked up,
You were lain down in front of me,
Your scruff resting on a rock,
Blood flowing out of it,
I came near you,
My body was trembling because of the cold.

But was it only the cold?

I wished I could have listened your heart beatting
Which still had to beat.
I wished I could have told you "I love you" before your last breath,
I wished you had never given your last breath,
I wished I could have died in your place.

I told myself:
You must be brave,
You must be strong;
But I had so much difficulties to tell myself
That you had been swept away by the death.

Seeing you were died in front of me,
I took a few steps back,
A lump in my tighten throat
My voice getting broken,
Going hoarse because of the cold.

But was it only the cold?

Or was it because I'd tried to wake you up,
Yelling out your name,
So many times?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here is the French original version.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mais n'était-ce que le froid ?

Quand j'ai relevé la tête,
Tu étais étendue devant moi,
Ta nuque reposait sur un rocher,
Le sang en coulait déjà,
Je me suis approché de toi,
Mon corps tremblait à cause du froid.

Mais n'était-ce que le froid ?

J'aurais voulu écouter ton coeur qui bat,
Qui aurait dû battre encore.
J'aurais voulu te dire "Je t'aime" avant que tu ne rendes ton dernier souffle,
J'aurais voulu que tu ne rendes jamais ton dernier souffle,
J'aurais voulu mourir à ta place.

Je me suis dit :
Tu dois être brave,
Tu dois être fort ;
Mais j'avais tellement de mal à me dire
Que tu avais été emportée par la mort.

Voyant que tu étais morte devant moi,
J'ai reculé de quelques pas,
La gorge serrée, nouée,
J'avais la voix brisée,
J'étais enroué à cause du froid.

Mais n'était-ce que le froid ?

Ou était-ce parce que j'avais tenté de te réveiller,
En hurlant ton nom,
Tant de fois ?

Last day with Cartoon Saloon

This article has been written the 5th July, but issued the… as I had no connection.

This day, 5th July, was my last internship day with Cartoon Saloon, but it definitely has been one of the most joyful days of my life. And I don’t even wonder if I’m worth while, no, this time I just take the best of it. Take the best, fuck the rest!

Where to begin… The day hadn’t start very well though: rain, forgot the key inside the office, Lorna (she’s ma tutor and colleague) out for the morning, Internet down… and I didn’t dare distribute the sweets and chocolates I bought for my last time in the studio. No worries, I did it at least, and my colleagues were all delighted (especially Lorna, hehe).

I sent an email to every cartooners, even the boss T. I don’t speak a lot to, everyone, email in which I said: “As today is my last internship day with Cartoon Saloon & I’m leaving on next Monday morning, I wanted to go to the Ryan’s on Friday night and have a few pints (my last!!). So feel free to join me anytime this evening (- Lorna you must come :D)”. In France, you would be afraid of having no answer, no enthusiasm, or I would be so. But it’s not the case in Ireland and I’m not in the mood of regretting anything. I got a few answers very enthusiastic, and I learnt there was a dinner at a restaurant with some people of the studio this evening too, so I said I will be here for the dinner and we will end by the Ryan’s.

This was for the morning part. In the afternoon we laughed a lot as P. was trying to set up the sound on Skype with Lorna, and it didn’t work very well, that made funny voices. Then I felt a little bored, so as usual, I was surfing on the net, till 5 pm. And all of a sudden, Lorna left me a message on Skype, “I’m going to buy groceries, come back in a few minutes, you, don’t move at all!!!” (Yes, I know, how the hell did I not understand everything since she told me that.) She got off of the office, and after a while, P.’s phone rang. He picked up a few seconds after, looked at me and said very kindly: “I think they need you upstairs, Amélie.” I was surprised, like “need me???” Did not suspect anything, you know, very naïve.
So I came up. And there, I entered in a big suspicious silence, and when I appeared all the animators, designers, artists, gave me an ovation, applauding and shouting. Lorna turned up towards me and put a pocket and a huge bouquet of flowers in my hands, kissing me on the cheek.
I was overwhelmed. ‘No way’, I said. Did not cry, eh, but I just couldn’t imagine, because I was just a trainee for two months and I spent some days without doing nothing, you see what I mean? And with this bouquet, I felt like a winner or a Miss France, you know. Well, all I have been able to say at the twenty smiling persons starring at me was: “Thanks, thanks so much everyone… I didn’t expect that at all... (I could hear Lorna whisper me gently, as she does sometimes:”Don’t be silly Amélie”) And I won’t make a speech cause I’m not good at, but thank you.” Haha that sucks! But I was too moved and grateful to speak correctly!
Then Lorna, the accountant and I went out to come back downstairs, and I yelled to Lorna:”You’re SUCH a LIAR!! I was wondering, it’s strange that you need to buy groceries at this hour of the day!!” and now I know it was to take the flowers for me. They laughed.

Then, she really wanted me to open the gifts. Good chocolates, yummy. But most of all, there was a card, made by F. and T., who is the big boss, and signed by a lot of my colleagues. Most of all hope I had a great time in Kilkenny, wish me luck in my future, thank me for my services… Here are ones of these messages:
N. the Spanish girl: “Nice to meet you Amélie!! And sorry for all that bother with the scanner jajaja – good luck with everything!!! Xxx”
D. my new roommate (since I have moved last weekend, again): “Bye bye roomie, have a nice time and enjoy the sun in France!” (He drew the house we live in beside).
Lorna: “To Amélie: It was a pleasure to have you here in Kilkenny. I hope you had a great time! Thanks for the support and the laughs, good times! Please stay in touch. Toodles! Lorna xoxoxoxoxoxoxo” (means kisses I think, haha!)
P. made a little drawing of himself, and T. drew a sketch of Aisling, one of The Secret of Kells characters. I was more impressive again when Lorna told me that any single drawing he does is valued at thousands Euros…
By chance T. was in front of me when I saw his drawing and I simply said to him: “Thanks” very sincerely. And he answered on the same tone: “You’re welcome Amélie.” And there is something beautiful with this guy, that’s weird, I thought he didn’t really like me at the start, he was only spoken to me to ask me to do useless things, sometimes asking Lorna although I was just near her. But I must have mistaken, he was also very busy, and I’m not an outgoing person either.
Anyway. Afterwards, I opened the last present: it was earrings in shape of shamrocks. ‘You won’t find two pairs like this one in all Kilkenny’, Lorna said very proudly. I wore them at once.
And to finish, Lorna suggested me to have dinner at her home with her boyfriend Sean that I have already met. Of course I said YES.

After all these emotions, I was unable to focus. We left the office one or two hours later, and just before getting on Sean’s car, suddenly Lorna said to me: “I’m going to have a baby, that’s why I couldn’t drink a beer with you.” Wow. Man, this is a nice reason for abstinence. I would never have noticed that. Later on the evening, I asked them how they wanted to name their child, she answered: “Amélie”, but I think she was kidding! Hihi.
While she was cooking the chilli con carne, I called my mother because I needed to tell her with real voice what happened to me. She was glad for me, and then sent me a texto saying: “Don’t forget to tell to Lorna that she and her boyfriend are welcome in France whenever they want, I can lend them the flat!” That would be grant! I know they’d like to go to France in September for a marriage of a friend.

Oh, Lorna told me something I found really funny. I can’t remember why, we were talking about JayBee (I write his name like this not to mistake with another friend), a French dude working at the saloon, and that I get on well with. “I thought you liked him”, she said to me, “I mean, like a boyfriend”. Well, I guessed she was thinking of that, coz once she had a laugh with a meaningful glance at me, just because I was calling him ‘JayBee’ (like everyone does, though, search for the mistake). I asked her: “What made you think of that?!” and she said “Because you’re almost the only one he seemed to speak to, and whenever he was around, you were looking at him and smiling.” Gosh! I explained to her that when people speak the same language, it’s easier to talk naturally with them, even if JayBee is not very talkative, he was the first French I met. And I added that I do like him because he reminds me so much of the other friend; that in a weird way, just because they have the same name, I behave the same way, although I don’t know JayBee a lot.
The meal was tasty and very spicy (I had only my Corona to drink, but it’s a good Mexican beer!). Then I had still a room in the stomach for the dessert, a delicious Irish apple something.
While we were listening to some KT Tunstall’s songs, which ones I know the lyrics by heart, Lorna said: “You don’t sing with a French accent”.


Yes, this is really a great experience, both in a cultural and human point of view. My mother is right: I have learnt a lot in communication during this stay.

And… As I said in my first article, I hate beginnings. But the thing is, I loathe ends more again…