I feel like writing my first cheerless article. After all there's no limit here. Hopefully it will not sound too dramatic to you, I need to express myself. Just let go if you don't give a shit.
First I weirdly feel sick, maybe because I've eaten the same sandwich and the same noodles at lunch and dinner for one month, basically not really a healthy diet. Plus, I still continue to go to bed by 1 am, getting up at 9 am to arrive at the office at 9:30, totally exhausted, my eyes are kind of blurred by dint of starring at a screen all the fecking day. Not like I was not used to, though.
Fed up with the roomate, too, this is definitely not for me. I miss my little student room in Bordeaux, and my friend Sandra, and my family, and the food, Jesus. The only thing I don't really miss about France is the warm weather. Feel anxious too, coz I don't want to know how I'm gonna go over my driving license (what a PAIN), and a summer job, god I need money!
And I'm wondering. Why the world are people so kind with me? I'm really not worthy of their friendliness. Above all at the moment, imagine a girl (a geek girl, moreover) without a smile on her face, answering the minimum of the minimum requested, not talkative the morning, the evening either. Yesterday I was talking with a friend over the phone, it lasted one hour but I felt like I was the less interesting person in the world. Nothing I can do, I wish I could know how folks can bear me.
Geez, I shouldn't have begun to write this "death fiction" a while ago, I'm such in a morose mood.
I want this place and I don't want it, I want to be by your side but I don't faith in... Your hands have built all what mine have destroyed.
Is this not a nice reflection? Not from me, but it's like it was my own thinking. Goodnight guys (is there still anyone in the room?).
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| View from the window of my old room in Kilkenny |
AH! J'avais tapé un super truc et ça a lagué!
ReplyDeleteShit!
BON.
Je disais, que tu sais ce n'est pas parce qu'on est ultra bavard et qu'on a un sourire vissé sur le visage qu'on a l'air sympa pour autant.
Tu dois tout simplement dégager un aura qui pousse les gens, à être gentil avec toi !
En revanche je note que tu dis que ton petit appart te manque à Bdx! Ben dis donc! Tu dois vraiment te sentir oppressée dans ton logement ^^
Take care mademoiselle! You'll be soon in France.
I took the plain on myself, and I will be fine. So I think the same for you <3
There are times like that and better days are coming. I'm sure of that for you. ;-) It's normal that you miss your family and friends and some lovely places in Bordeaux but you really have to know, like Liline said, that you are an interesting person and, like interesting person or even every person, you have all those moments when you feel you're nothing and when you would like things easier than reality. And I really hope everything is going to be better for you and that, when you come back to France, you'll have a job, some new and great projects for your holidays, etc... and, mostly, never forget the very good person you are. Even certain moments are less good than others, you never have to think it's from you. You're just human and we always know that life is not as easy as what we would want. But, the most important for now, is to eat better ! Go to the supermaket to buy a very great meal you dream of. It's very important. I know that it's not going to fix anything but it could be a good beginning for your precious health. n_n
ReplyDeleteTake care my friend and never forget better days are always coming tomorrow ! Just think of yourself. The others things which are waiting for you later will wait for you... later... when the moment comes.
We're here. <3
With all that I read in your blog I've got the conclusion that you are a sensitive and outgoing person ... How would that the others don't treat you with kindness?
ReplyDeleteI came to your blog looking for common stories of common people in a common English ... This is not easy to find, believe me.
Most girls write a blog to upload stupid things like the dress she wants to buy, an exciting Justin Bieber's song or a chronicle about the last weekend party...
You'll undestand me better if you listen "common people" a Pulp's song that I love and I hope it help you feeling better :)
All I can say is THANK YOU for all your reviews. I had my time down and "disgusting of life", but some people like you remind me of how much it would be ridiculous thinking so... You're right. It's not woth while.
ReplyDeleteCharline, when I said I was missing my room in Bdx, it was mostly my peace and quiet that I miss. For instance, my roomate H. always listens music, whereas you need silence... but I would be nasty to blame her too much, she's just offered to cook for the three of us right now.
And yeah it will be fine for the plane, that's funny you say that because I did not mention my fear in the article ;) but you guess it.
Nia... Obrigada, I can just take example on your wise way of thinking life, I wish it could be natural from me (but it's not !), that's why I'm so lucky to have friends like you and Charline to remind me of the good things. Your review was enough to fix me ;)
Txeiks, we don't know each other but you're such an open person :) you're in the right place for common people ^^ I'm really happy to come up to your expectations. Thanks for the song, I've just listened it, kinda modern and original!
Thanks guys.
Sorry little girl, but I don't feel expressing me in english right now, so I will continue in french =3!
ReplyDeleteJ'adore être seule, j'adore ma tranquilité, et il m'arrive plus d'une fois d'être soulée par les gens, et il m'arrive également de me remettre en question , un peu trop souvent d'ailleurs. Et effectivement, parfois on eut ressentir la gentillesse comme une certaine forme de pitié a notre égard, et on a simplement envie de dire "j'tai rien demandé, dégage!"
Mais justement vivre en ermite est beaucoup trop facile pour moi^^. On se retrouve tout le temps a tourner autour de soi même avec ses propres pensées, au point qu'elles finissent par nous submerger et nous déprimer. On a juste besoin des autres ne serait-ce que comme un miroir, pour se tester, pour en apprendre plus sur nous, et pour profiter de la vie, de l'instant. Moi c'est las dedans que je trouve tout mon plaisir, c'est la que je vis. Dans quelques mots échangés avec quelqu'un qui m'est cher, le vent qui souffle , un rayon de soleil sur la peau, un délire autour d'un verre, un regard, un bruissement dans les branches, une marche sous la pluie, une course a s'en crever les poumons, des embruns sur mon visage...
Crois moi que j'ai du me planter, encore et encore, que je m'en suis prise plein la gueule et je continuerais, que je me suis donnée des coups de pieds aux fesses pour me dire "allez va y , sors, va parler aux gens même si t'a pas envie". Rien n'es jamais acquis, tout s'apprend, surtout les relations humaines. Il faut jouer le jeu, juste pour ne pas souffrir de l'éternel "et si"
Evidemment certaines personnes sont plus sensibles que d'autres, on a tous une histoire différente, pour certains c'est plus facile, mais au final, il faut juste trouver ce que l'on veut être et partir dans ce sens, pour être fiers de ce qu'on est.
Notre fierté est tout simplement ce qui nous aide a nous tenir droit malgré les tempêtes et sécheresses, ça fait juste de nous des hommes.